The trouble with pretending
by Not Just a Nerd
Summary: They are trying so hard to ignore the fact that one day the Troubles will be gone, and so will she be. But the trouble with pretending is they are not really any good at it at all. Nathan x Audrey. One-shot. Song-fic.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Haven, or "Your Face" by Taylor Swift.**

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"_I don't wanna lose your face._

_I don't wanna wake up one day_

_And not remember what time erased…."_

She has started to talk about the things that she wants to buy for "their" house. He has started to talk about the rules that she isn't allowed to break in "their" house. She teases him about how ten years later he will forget even what rules he laid out. He tries to look condescending and tells her that he's being serious. She grins and tells him he will come around.

They are trying so hard to ignore the fact that one day the Troubles will be gone, and so will she be. They pretend that it's not a big deal; they are not bothered at all. But the trouble with pretending is they are not really any good at it at all.

They have no idea where she came from, and they have no idea where she will go.

"_If I close my eyes, will you be there?" _

They have been trying so hard to track down what happened to Sarah, or Lucy. They have gone through the police records, the Chief's personal records that Nathan found after much searching, Simon Crocker's diary that Duke has, years and years of the Haven Herald- they have even talked to Vince and Dave, the Glendowers- but nothing. None of them have a clue about what happened to her in between the troubles.

And it terrifies them. He is terrified to think what may happen to her, what she may have to go through. She is terrified to think that she will have to go through it without him by her side. They are haunted day and night by the lingering fact that a goodbye is lurking just around the corner. They will never know when it will happen, they will probably never even get the chance to say a goodbye, which is fine with them, because they don't want to, they don't know how to say goodbye.

Besides, goodbye kills all hope of meeting again. They know they will meet again. Maybe the troubles will break out again some years later, and she will come back- with another name, and another identity, with another person's memory, another hair color. It will be her, but not her. Because she will not remember him- at all. She will not remember a Nathan Wuornos- not his name, not his face, not his touch, not how his heart used to beat against hers.

"_I wish I could close my eyes and see you…"_

Maybe he will even be old then. But he will wait for her. He tells her that every day, and she pretends not to be worried at all, laughs at his words, and mutters "Pedophile". But the trouble with pretending is, neither of them is really any good at it, and so it's not working. The sad look of longing in their eyes gives them away.

So he takes her hand, and promises her that she will not be gone this time, it will be different. He won't let her go, and he will find her, wherever she is, no matter what- just like he always does.

"_I have a picture of you in my bedroom, I hope it never falls._

_Hope I never lose that feeling I used to get when you would call…"_

They both want to believe his words, but they can't. Because this supernatural thing is completely out of their hands, and when has man ever won against Nature?

So she's trying to store the memories- taking pictures all the time, making Nathan promise that when she comes back, he will show them to her, and tell her everything. She even keeps a diary, where she writes about every little thing that happens throughout the day, so that when she forgets, she can remind herself.

"_Cause I'm not scared of what love_

_Gave me and took away…_

_I don't wanna lose your face."_

Troubles break out every day. They find the source, stop it from spreading, and help him out. Sometimes, Duke kills him. They never find out what is causing the troubles, and how to stop it.

And then one day she's gone, and the troubles stop. He has no idea what happened- just two hours back she was washing dishes with him and splashing bubbles in his face, and now there isn't a trace of her all over town. And the troubles are gone too, he can feel the pain, he can feel Dave's hand on his shoulder as he tries to comfort him.

He searches, days turn into months, towns and cities disappear in his rearview mirror, but he doesn't find her. He can't keep the promise he made.

But he will keep his other promise- he will wait for her, no matter how long it takes for her to get back, and she will be back, he has no doubt. Till then, he will look at the photos, think of the good old times, and remember how everything used to be, and pretend that she is still right there, with him.

The trouble with pretending is, he has never really been good at it. And so he misses her every single day, and his memory fades just a little with age.

"_And now I wonder to myself,_

_Who were you, where are you?_

_Were you ever here at all?"_

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**A/N: hope you liked it. I'm not much for song-fics myself, but this one seemed to fit in perfectly with the situation! Please review! :) And you should definitely listen to the song if you already haven't- it's amazing!**

**P.S. I made a fanvid to this song, that goes alongside this fic. If you want to watch it, it's at my YouTube (notjustanerdtrailers), and it's titled "Haven- Nathan/Audrey- Your Face". **


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